weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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