He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
