Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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