My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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