I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
