i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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