Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
