just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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