How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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