she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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