I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize