my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
