We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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