I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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