i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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