Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
