Duck Duck Cougar?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
