you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
