i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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