I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
