the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize