Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize