once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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