I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
