DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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