They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
