I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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