chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize