I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who died my cat blue again?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
