he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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