Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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