We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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