i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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