is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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