i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
