Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Rumble strips road head = magical
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
