It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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