I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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