dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
