I feel like abortions should bother me more
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize