i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
