Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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