Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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