I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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