Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
