My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
