I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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