If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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