Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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