I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
