Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
