honey bunches of taint.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
