Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
