god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
