the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
