I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
