Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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