What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
