I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
