dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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