to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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