I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He better not be in your backpack
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
