sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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