Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
