I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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