Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
