We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
