I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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