Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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