Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
