you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
