Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
