My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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