My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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