OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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