dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
