Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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