she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize