He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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