He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
