i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
