I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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