Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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