my sisters under your porch take her home
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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