dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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