bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
