there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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