Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
