Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
