Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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