No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
