i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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