You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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