omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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