Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he fucked my hip out of place.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
