We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
