Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
