You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
