Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
