I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
