Kiss
Puke
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my liver is dry heaving
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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