I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
