I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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