if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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