He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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