After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
