I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
