If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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