I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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