mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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