you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
